So, I see an SUV go by the other day with a sign on it that says “Curvy Divas” and I think to myself “Great – just what the world needs – fat chicks with attitude.” And I know this to be true, because the SUV is being driven by my neighbor – a fat chick with attitude – and the sign is advertising a store by the same name. Oh, sure, she seems nice in casual conversation, but if something doesn’t go her way, well, let’s just say it’s not a pretty sight. But I’m not here for that – that’s another story, another time.

What I’m here to talk about is how fat chicks now refer to themselves as “curvy” (it used to be “Big Beautiful Woman” – BBW – but I think too many guys started to use that acronym to mean “Big Bad Warthog” so now they refer to themselves as curvy). For today, the dictionary defines “Curvy” as “something that curves or is curved, such as a bend in a road or the contour of a woman’s body.” And the dictionary defines “Diva” (for my use) as a “Prima Donna” and describes Prima Donna as “a temperamental person; a person who takes adulation and privileged treatment as a right and reacts with petulance to criticism or inconvenience.” So, that’s where I get “Fat Chicks with Attitude” from.

Now we all know today’s world is a difficult place to maneuver as it is, what with political correctness changing its values almost daily, each time some person or group becomes offended. But I think I have to draw the line with fat chicks. Or fat guys, or short or tall or skinny or whatever “flavor of the day” type of individual is feeling slighted. And anyone that pulls a “Diva” routine should be slapped in the face, much as happened to the hysterical woman in the movie “Airplane”. You remember (or for those that didn’t see it), everyone else on the plane lined up to “slap the hysterical” out of her.

I used to think that this “holier-than-thou” attitude came from people whose parents just didn’t raise them right (spare the rod – spoil the child), but after having children of my own I came to learn that this “diva” attitude is a chosen one, chosen by individuals despite what they may have been taught (see my article “I taught my children manners, but they chose to ignore me”, coming soon). So please, don’t blame the parents or accept the excuse “I can’t help being this way”, because they can.

You see, to me, curvy divas are just fat chicks that are embarrassed by their looks, unable mentally to do something about it, so they try to take the focus off their looks by acting out loudly. Which kind of reminds me of a dog that barks at you fiercely until you stomp your foot, then it sits in puzzlement as to what to do next. And it’s sad – sad that they feel they need to act this way, but even sadder that they feel trapped by their own looks, and don’t know how (or want to) change this so that they feel better.

You know, maybe these folks can take a lesson from the Rodney Dangerfield character Thornton Melon in the movie “Back to School”. He (Thornton Melon) owns a string of clothing stores called “Tall and Fat”, which caters to all people of all sizes, specializing in larger individuals. He doesn’t sugar-coat the truth, and even offers the advice “if you want to look thin, you hang out with fat people.” He’s extremely successful because his clients have accepted who they are and are fine with it, not the kind of folks that think by changing “fat” to “curvy” their lives will somehow be better. “Fat and jolly” go hand-in-hand just like peanut butter and jelly, so to all you “divas” out there, unhappy with your lives, your size or your life in general – lighten up. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself, and even then, not even you.